The Judge That’s Called the Nominee

When I was a lad I served a term,

As office boy to A Republican firm,

I cleaned the memos and I swept the floor,

And I polished up the speeches for the big front door.

He polished up the speeches for the big front door,

And I polished up the Speeches so carefully,

That now I am the Judge that’s called the Nominee,

He polished up the Speeches so carefully,

That now he is the Judge called the Nominee.

As office boy I made such a mark,

That they gave me the post of supreme court clerk,

I wrote those drafts with a slant so right,

And I copied all the Textualists in a big round hand,

He copied all the Textualists in a big round hand,

I copied all the Textualists in a hand so screed,

that now I am the Judge that’s called the Nominee,

He copied all the Textualists in a in a hand so screed,

That now he is the Judge that’s called the Nominee,

In giving speeches I made such a name,

That an articled scholar I soon became,

I wore clean clothes and a brand-new suit,

For the Law Review Speeches at the Institute,

For the Law Review Speeches at the Institute!

And that Law Review did so well for me,

That now I am the Judge that’s called the Nominee,

That Law Review did so well for he,

That now he is the Judge that’s called the Nominee!

Of Legal Theory I acquired such a grip,

That they took me into the Federalists,

And at that Federalist Society I ween was in,

the only courtroom that I ever had ever been,

Was the only Courtroom he was ever in,

But that kind of Court so suited me,

That now I am the Judge that’s called the Nominee,

But that kind of Court so suited he,

That now he is the Judge that’s called the Nominee,

I grew so rich that I was sent

By the right-wing Group to the Circuit Bench,

and I always voted at my party’s call,

And I never thought of thinking for myself at all,

No, he never thought of thinking for himself at all,

I thought so little they rewarded me,

By making me the Judge who is called the Nominee,

He thought so little they rewarded he,

By making him the Judge who is called the Nominee!

Now, law students all, whoever you may be,

If you want to rise to the top of the tree,

If your soul isn’t fettered to a legal book,

Be careful to be guided by this golden rule,

Be careful to be guided by this golden rule!

Stick close to your Party and never think too Free,

And you all may be Judges who are Nominees,

Stick close to your Party and never think too Free,

and you All may be Judges who are Nominees!

-Albert Turner Goins, Sr.